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Does it get easier to make large steps
of faith as we grow older? On the one hand it does, because we are
fuelled by the memory of all the occasions when God has shown His
faithfulness to us. On the other hand, it is only fair to
acknowledge that most of us find change increasingly hard to cope
with as we get older.
We should by no means underestimate
the grief that accompanies experiences such as redundancy and
retirement. Being made redundant is one of the sharpest shocks that
most people will ever experience, removing at one stroke not only
their professional role in life, but also many of the markers that
identify who they are. Life moves on and people soon forget what
they have done, and maybe even who they were.
The more closely linked people were
as a work team, the more likely they are to feel a corresponding
grief when the cut and thrust of that camaraderie is no longer
there. For some people, the loss of momentum and status, to say
nothing of income, may remain acute even many years after the event
itself.19
There may be additional grief, too,
in discovering that some whom they had looked on as friends turn out
to have been no more than colleagues. Many will identify then with
Sally Mowbray’s experience:
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When my father died, my
mother deeply mourned the lost connection with his working
world. He was a vet with the Ministry of Agriculture, and so
his relationships encompassed not only officials but also a
wide range of farmers. This all came to an abrupt halt
because her relationship with all but a very few had been
exclusively through her husband.
We also need special grace to cope when we know that we are
being left behind as things develop and move on in the field
in which we once worked, and which we are no longer a part
of. It feels a bit like watching the departure of a train we
were travelling in. It moves on while we remain on the
station platform – which now feels very empty. If specific
rejection has also been part of this process (as opposed to
natural retirement), the grief can run very deep, latching
all too easily onto feelings of inadequacy: “There, I always
said I wasn’t good enough!” |
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In today’s fast-moving
“hire-and-fire” culture, most of us can expect to lose our
job at least once along life’s journey. We may try to act
phlegmatically, and make light of this; but in reality most
of us are more deeply upset that we like to admit. There is
some basis for truth behind the caricature images of people
setting out for work each morning because they lacked the
courage to tell their loved ones that they had lost their
job!
It is normal to experience moments of
fear and anger in the aftermath of being made redundant. The fact
that we possess skills that no one appears to want can be
particularly hard to cope with. The thought of spending more time at
home may sound attractive in the abstract, but it only takes a few
comments along the lines of, “You shouldn’t be here at this time of
day!” to make us feel in the way and one too many.
People’s instinct to chivvy us into
looking for another job may be exactly what we need to get us moving
forwards again – but it may also push us into steps we are not yet
ready to take. Each of us responds to loss in very different ways.
The most important thing is not to assume that we have no further
contribution to make now that we have lost the role or position that
was once so central in our life. It is utterly untrue that we are
too old – or too anything else!
The Church has been slow to recognise
the reality of the midlife crisis, that inclines so many to unwise
actions. Neither does it always have much to say about the grief
that redundancy and retirement can provoke. If reality fails to
measure up to expectations that were never quite the Lord’s, there
is a real risk of people setting off in search of adventures of
their own making, abandoning established relationships in the
process, and condemning themselves to futile attempts to fulfil
impossible dreams.
To any of you who find yourselves at
such a place, let me remind you of the prophet’s wisdom: Stand at
the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths (Jeremiah 6:16).
The Lord will show you clearly what
to do, even if it means hunkering down for the time being until the
way ahead becomes clearer.
When it does, your problems may be
anything but over! Certain career changes themselves prove difficult
to handle. If you work intensively with people (as a nurse or social
worker for instance) you may experience considerable strain when you
are promoted to managerial positions, not least because your new
role often takes you far away from the very people you originally
entered the profession to serve.
To all intents and purposes you find
yourself embarking on an entirely different career – and one that
may be riddled with unexpected pressures and responsibilities. There
are few more challenging things to cope with than having heavy
responsibilities, ¬unless you are also given the authority to make
necessary changes. |
