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Pilgrim's Guides


  Strategies for Resolving Grief
Part Five



The Sacrament of the Present Moment
Harnessing Grief
Grief that Inspires Creativity
The Power of Writing to Heal
The Power of Music to Heal

The Blessing of Friendship
Ceremonies that Facilitate Grief
Gratitude that Sustains


See, I have written your name on My hand . . . I no longer call you slaves, because a master doesn’t confide in his slaves. Now you are my friends, since I have told you everything the Father told me.
Isaiah 49:16; John 15:15

  Do you remember speaking out the name of a loved one, or writing it on the palm of your hand? Even so does the Lord engrave our names in His heart. His companionship is the best antidote of all to our grief – but as we have been hinting throughout this book, few things inspire us like the support of a friend. Many of us can identify with Paul’s sense of relief when his friend Titus turned up.
  When we came into Macedonia, this body of ours had no rest, but we were harassed at every turn; conflicts on the outside, fears within. But God, who comforts the downcast, comforted us by the coming of Titus, and not only by his coming but also by the comfort you had given him.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4

How grateful Ros and I are for the friendships the Lord has developed over many years. When we are in the company of these “day and nighters,” we sense the Lord's presence more easily, and release timely and authoritative prayers for each other, whilst helping each other to absorb the repeated assaults of grief’s battering ram.

Conventional wisdom has it that it becomes more difficult to make close friendships once we have passed a certain age. God’s leading makes a nonsense of such artificial limitations! He loves to join us to people we can bless and be blessed by, regardless of age considerations.

If there is only a narrow window of opportunity during which such friendships can fire up, then God will work fast. One touch from Him can enable new connections to develop farther and deeper in a few focused hours than many friendships ever progress to in a lifetime.

At any time the Lord can take existing friendships deeper, or launch entirely new ones. A widow in Tulsa called Shirley was serving breakfast to her children one day when the Lord told her to go to MacDonalds. She made all the protests that you or I would probably have made if faced with such a situation, but finally yielded to her leading.

She will be forever grateful that she did, for it was at that unlikely time of the morning that she met the man who became her husband. A widower minister called Terry Law just happened to be passing through the city at that precise moment, having prayed to meet his future wife. The rest, as they say, is history – and all because Shirley was willing to leave a cooked meal untouched on her breakfast table.



Reflect and Pray

Praise God for friends who allow us as much time and space as we need in which to share our pain. They, above all people, help us to discover our own voice, and to become our true selves in Christ.

Alison Browne, whose poems we have quoted extensively in this book, wrote that “a friend’s love pushes aside the veil of tears.” She also wrote,

Jesus – at times my love for You grows so urgent in my heart
that I long to hug you physically.
What can I do?
Hug a friend, and in doing so you hug Jesus.
Lord, I never want
to take precious friendships for granted.
Now, in the aftermath of loss and change,
may old friendships continue to grow and mature,
and new ones be forged,
In the Name of our greatest Friend, Amen.


Ceremonies that facilitate Grief
Communities and nations erect monuments to mark particularly important moments in their history, and we too may find it helpful to celebrate our own landmarks – both the special ones and the more difficult moments.
Read More . . .

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